**The following is political satire*
Today the Congress of the United States of America officially passed into law the Twenty-eighth or ‘Hero’ Amendment:
The forty-fifth President is hereby designated the true American Hero and true Father of our Country. No law shall restrict his actions, deeds or service. All textbooks shall be updated to reflect his stature. In order to learn, emulate and preserve the Hero’s beliefs, manners and mannerisms, all children aged 4 to 19 shall be required to be an active member in in the Trump Youth, henceforth overseen by the Department of ReEducation.
According to a document obtained by an anonymous source in the Dept. of ReEd, the Trump Youth is a year-round program requiring student attendance two hours after school each school day and four hours in the morning on all other days. The after-school time requirement of Trump Youth effectively does away with interscholastic sports, thereby thwarting future anthem-kneelers.
Some classes and activities are required for both genders, even though “females clearly do not need or deserve the same amount or depth of knowledge or information as the males.”
Some of these shared topics include:
- Mocking the intellectually challenged.
- Lying and making up ‘facts’.
- Denying lies and made-up ‘facts’ that you clearly made up.
- Cavorting with the enemy for personal gain.
- Racism: Have it, Hold it, Hide it.
- Bury that tax return!
- Bury your head in the sand – pretend the climate hasn’t already changed.
- Makeup application techniques to achieve that ‘mysterious racoon-eyes look’.
- You too can sport a ridiculous hairdo.
- Nutrition: Yes, you can live on just fast food!
- Physics: How walls stop things from passing over them or under them.
Classes for boys only include:
- Crotch grabbing
- Hooker buying
- Conquest bragging
- Woman demeaning
- Cheating on your wife
Classes for girls only include:
- Rape is not personal.
- Intellectual pursuits are for men.
- Showing subservience to land a husband.
- Are bras really necessary?
The Dept. of ReEd source also reports that Trump Youth will begin in just ten short days, leaving schools, parents, daycare facilities and civic organizations scrambling to prepare for the changes.
The White House has not issued a statement, but reports indicate that the president is planning a nationwide speech for this evening, during which it will be announced that Congress has also declared June 14 as a national holiday – Trump Day. Additionally, there has been chatter about a possible re-designation of the president’s official title from president to Chancellor, or perhaps Chairman of the Party, in accordance with his preferred style of government, and an announcement regarding that is also anticipated.
The Hero’s address is scheduled to take place at 7 PM Eastern time, and will be carried on most news media outlets. How lucky we are to be alive during our Hero’s life and to witness his wonderfulness for ourselves.
– REENO –
Reeno is a Portland State Alumnus
author of Beginning Band – A Guide to Success.
Accomplished teacher, conductor, composer
web developer, Packers Fan. and Proud American