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Dear ESPN: It’s Not You, It’s Me

in The Life Slant by

Dear ESPN,

America has always been a divided nation. We began life feuding between Loyalists and Colonists, fought bitterly about States’ entitlements vs. a strong Federal government, divided ourselves into either Confederate or Union, disagreed on our role in the world and even established a declaration of War on the young people asking for Peace and Love.

For the past thirty-or-so years no matter who was in the White House or what disaster was in the news or who was dating whom, a high percentage of half the population could always find something to talk about, or at least make pleasant conversation. All you had to say was, “Did you catch SportsCenter last night?”

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I Don’t (k)NO(w)

in The Life Slant by
Confused Lady

What do you have to do to get a straight answer these days? Oh, the politicians are bad enough, but when was the last time you needed help from a retail clerk? 

Just for fun, go into a big box hardware store and ask one of the employees, “Do you carry elephants?” The employee will surely look at you with curious eyes, and repeat, “Elephants?” Nod affirmatively, and the employee will begin to answer with the correct response, which is no, and then remember that they are prohibited from saying no to a customer!

Smoke may begin to wisp from their ears as a response is formulated, and eventually something along the lines of, “You may want to check with the zoo” may be mumbled out. If it wasn’t sad it would be funny.

Sign "NO"

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